How do you know enough is enough?

I ask this because i was so upset with my husband,i dont know if its my fault. We fought this day because i asked him to help me to take care of our 4 month old baby so i could start cooking our dinner.He did, what really made me angry was our baby was crying and my eldest daughter thought he never did anything to make her stop crying.I knew he never done ,because he was reading something in the internet,and i told him the baby is crying,then thats the only he starts to notice the baby,and then the baby started to cry again,my eldest daughter was really concerned about her sister that made my husband angry about it and scream at my eldest daughter that he wasnt neglecting her younger sister.I really dont want to argue but how bad is a little bit of help around the house? I understand his work,he works at 12 am and comes home 9am.He sleeps between 10 am in the morning and wakes up around 5pm and after dinner sleeps again and wakes at 10pm to go to work .I do all the household chores and i dont want disturb him because i want him to sleep better.But a little help with our 4 month old how bad this can be? And before the argument i told him i dont feel very well today and he just said "dont tell me you are getting sick too?"(He got colds too and doesnt feel well,).I told him Dont worry i just took medicine and if i dont feel well i still do things around the house.I mean what a sarcastic thing to say that to me.I wish we could switch places so he would know how really hard to be a mom.Right now he went to work without even saying goodbye he just told me to lock the door.That really made me cry.Well i guess part of it was my fault,i told him lately that if he cant stand his family he might as well go back abroad and work there again.I feel so guilty I feel im a failed wife,all i wanted was some appreciate,which i always do to him.This coming 28th will be our 13th anniversary and im thinking to buy something for him to show how i really appreciate his hardwork and being a great dad.He is a great dad,but sometimes i wish he could feel that i can get tired too you know. And to add some of that, i asked him when can i get my freetime,he would simply say when our 4month old baby gets older.( he used to get his freetime by getting drunk with mysister's husband))ims sorry for my english im not really good at it,but hope you understand what im trying to imply.How many of you moms have this same problem? I wish im not alone lol! please help me i dont want to go insane. Thanks! sorry if this is long,i post this in this section coz this is i always a hang around.